Only a mothe r could love this liver
elementary school lunch room party. everyone brings their own lunch and can trade stuff. all juice is booze.
Ur just texting me random shit. That's what Twitter is for
He thought I was flirting with him but really I just needed someone to hold me up.
Finally considering to keep my landing strip before I have sex.. I feel like It makes me look mature.
Come over we're drinking with orange soda as a chaser to honor 90s nick kenan and kel.
It's a system.. i get to hook up with them and you get to play words with friends with them afterwards.
Excuse me but the alley way I wanted to fuck in happens to be a very nice clean area.
Tell me you didn't really piss in the hookah.
he asked me to "shake his dick" when he introduced himself, playing naked football with you in our living room. $100 says you two get married one day.
I feel like we should build an island for girls that have committed atrocious numbers of unforgivable sins. We'll call it 'whore island' after the anchorman fashion.
I got blackout last night and applied to be a banker
No one should have to go to work between Christmas and New Years, but here I am twirling in my office chair and putting Jack in my coffee like I’m back in college studying for finals.
His beard looks like it smells like beer, cocaine and old pussy juice
Listen gotta draw the line somewhere. Apparently that line is at my nuts.
Randomize
