Small dicks are the new regular sized dicks.
I just spent an hour correcting all the grammar and spelling of all the 2pac songs on my ipod
I climb out of my sunroof. I mean its kind of embarrassing but part of me feels awesome and ninja like.
he told me it was a naked video of him so i opened it. i just got rickrolled while sexting
both roomates are passed out on the floor. I feel like I'm missing out on crucial bonding time by sleeping in my bed.
did i call you last night crying about tacos and the royal wedding again?
I did the walk of shame wearing his scrubs. Fucking med school students is the way to go.
I'm proud of you for choosing to be an organ donor on your fake!!
What is my life coming to that I have to cross state lines to get laid?
He called me Kitten either just because or he figured out my old s&m life. Either way huge turn on.
chicken nuggets make me a bit homicidal
Haha! I swear, it's like I'm talking to Buddha with a slutty agenda. You are so full of wisdom.
If you can throw 105 mph it’s mandatory that you’re hung.
Im about to get an ultrasound of my balls. I hate waiting. Its the worst.
Three cans of beer can fit in the shower catty... multi tasking
Randomize
