i get turned down more than a collar. where are the desperate bitches i need to crawl to them
He told me i was the nicest person he's ever arrested for DUI
You decided to make a porno with gummy bears and things went downhill from there.
he told me it was a naked video of him so i opened it. i just got rickrolled while sexting
I just had a flashback of 4:30am: me hugging the toilet bowl and you handing me a jar of pickles to open. There is something seriously wrong with us.
Definately laid on the floor of the shower this morning drinking the water as it fell on me.
and then he tried plucking my nose hairs. lines were crossed.
Cause I came home. Im covered in green marker and jack daniels. Theres a taco and the words "we went to Mexico" on my wrist. Im a walking abomination.
Just so were clear I meant the head your face is on
the guy sitting next to me at the bar has a patrick swayze tattoo hovering over a roast beef sandwich. 'merica.
with a cock that big I don't even care that he makes a convincing drag queen
id one day like to live in a world full of emotionless and wonderfully fullfilling sex...
Every FB picture she has looks like it's from the POV of the guy she's blowing
I offered the opportunity to grope my boobs for pints. Two girls took me up.
Mom wants to know if you're coming over or if it's safe for her to take her bra off...
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