i spent my evening searching "the sims having sex" on youtube
we're no longer friends
Got 6 blowjobs in one weekend... new personal best.
I just had sex in a moon bounce. It is all down hill from here.
Just so you know, a true one night stands ends with a 7 minute blow job after eating a sandwich she made for you while the taxi you called for her comes
Apparently she came home completely covered in mud, pretending to be a bird...and she still had more sex than any of us this weekend.
Ok so you know that's gonna be legally viewed as kidnapping, right?
I was hammered helping a pregnant woman at the gas station name her unborn child. We had to try everything with two different last names because she was waiting on the results of her paternity test.
Last night was good. Things got bad when I found a sledge hammer.
My friend had to carry her up the steps on his shoulder, and then she got up, found an ironing board and set it up in my friend's room just in case he needed to iron things.
She dumped me and then asked if I wanted to come to her improv show. Fuck theatre majors, man.
He fingered me to the beat of the Fresh Prince theme song... it was pretty fantastic.
You randomly sent me a black Santa Claus emoji at 2am. I think alcohol was involved.
My booty call made my bed while I was in the shower. I may have to marry him.
It's your last night of vacation right? Be the Oprah of dick. And you get a dick... and you get a dick, and you get a dick!!!
Remeber when we went camping and fucked those two guys? Yeah me either but I'm covered in poison oak so I'm guessing it's from that.
Randomize
