Yeah...you.wanna.hang.out.tomorrow?My.space.button.is.broken.
he just had his sister send me a message about how he's not a creeper
Was his mother too busy breastfeeding him to do it?
So there is this guy preaching the word of God outside our club. I went up to him and said, "God made this body, and he made it for premarital sex." Sup, Hell?
i used baking grease as lip gloss
..She then engaged in what she called an "interpretive pole dance"
To the person who left a cup of vomit in the bathroom: I commend you for your aim but you are dead to me- not an ideal birthday present.
Its only.eleven and we are already chasing a man on a bike with a bag full of burger king
My dad caught me fucking in the pool last night. He proceeded to tell me I needed to "quiet things down" while this guys dick was still in me. Worst daughter ever.
He's a little cute, in a dorky, I-know-for-a-fact-his-cock-is-huge kind of way
College has taught me that the "best idea" is rarely the fun one.
This is true but you can't really get fired from college
Okay well we need to be adults. We're gonna end up with diabetes or some shit.
Also, did you really start discussing the weather in the middle of telling you my sexual fantasy about you?
She fell off the bed and giggled until she passed out naked. It was really weird.
Probably not gonna date her.
Sharknado 3 is going to bring us to alcoghol poisonign
I kept telling you not to give them blowjobs, but you kept screaming back, "it's okay, we're friends on facebook!"
Randomize
