So, apparently, "i expected your penis to be bigger" isn't good pillow talk.
Yea...coming from the girl who didn't understand why m&ms and tequila wasn't a "suitable diet"
i had confetti in my bra
i still find it in random places like a shoe or my car. that week haunts me
Tequila shots with cinnamon and orange write it down before I forget
he rubbed his balls on my face to wake me up.. this friends with benefits thing is getting out of hand.
This weekend is gunna be a fucking shitshow. I don't even wanna know how many dicks will end up inside of me
i get the sense she is planing new and exciting ways to physically harm me during sex
My mascara kind of smells like tequila to me...Is this my body crying for help or asking for a shot?
Pierced my own nipple last night, and yes everyone did go absolutely nuts
A fair warning: I don't think a cop will let you off the hook just because your birthday is on New Year's Eve
I don't want to be "that guy" but I may have accidentally sent a dick pic to your mom
Last night when we banged she had nothing else on but socks that said 'property of Jesus' on them.
Attention, i sprayed windex on me to disguise the scent of sex and regret off my clothes from last night
Just made a drug contact standing in the sandwich line in the dining hall. Is this real life?
You're my fucking hero.
I love you so much and not just because your dick is perfect
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