drunk at some random house party. come get me. i thought i pulled my dick out to go piss... it was my left nut. im soaked.
I may or may not have melted a dent into the top of my minifridge with my hot glue gun, which I left on for the past couple hours unsupervised, while we were on our salvo/savers excursion. Welcome to Halloween in college.
She's the only one so far who hasn't laughed at me naked.... I'm gonna marry her.
thats what you get for writing a paper after liquor pitchers
its only a rough draft.
oh, you know. just sitting in my bed high as fuck wearing a windbreaker and watching british tv.
i am bringing shame upon my ancesors with my weak liver valhalla will never accept me
I was mid-sentence and you stopped me and said, "Yeah.. for my vaginas sake, I'm gonna need you to stop talking right now."
From what I heard you ordered him to lick your balls. Unless you've kept a huge secret I understand his confusion.
We were gonna go out drinking tonight but she found out she's pregnant so are you free
RAAAAAAAAWWWWRRRRRR
THATS ME HOWLING MY ENJOYMENT OF THE THINGS WE CAN DO WHILE GETTING DRUNK
I might go bald with this hair pulling thing every night.
I love waking up to reeses ice cream. But I DONT love waking up to it all over my cat. I blame you.
Dad smells like hangovers and 65 years of bitterness
All I can remember from last night was eating nutella and touching myself to Weird Science.
He told me my car had really nice leather seats right before he jizzed all over them.
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