Listen the way I know if I'm drunk is if I have stage fright in the pisser if I do then I'm not drunk! And I definitely still do right now!
I saw his dick soo much last night when I saw him this morning all I saw was penis where his face should be
There's a girl in front of me with a see through white shirt on and her back says I suck bad dick. Fun night hun?
my mom just asked me about sexting and if I have ever sent a naked picture to anyone. i fucking hate fox news.
I woke up to a topless girl handing me a blunt. Candidate for greatest wake-up ever?
She told me that as long as she kept starring at the freckle on her arm she wouldnt throw up
Are we hungover?
I got a lapdance from a gay guy in red uggs and spandex shorts with reindeer antlers on. And I don't remember it. Hungover does not even cover it.
When a guy wants to eat something off you and then comes back with microwaved strudel and custard, back the fuck out. I have apple-chunk burns on my tits.
I was so drugged up it was amazing, I felt like a dinosaur "because I enjoyed spinach, and I got apple juice and only dinosaurs get apple juice" according to me the day of, and last night I felt like a rocket ship
either i huffed spraypaint or ate out that makeup artist. you decide.
Did you leave a mouse under my pillow again?
Last nights hook up turn into a star wars history lesson.. He's luck y he's pretty..
Can I just go to one establishment in which I haven't banged anyone ?
Going on a first date tonight...pros: my boobs look amazing. Cons: my abortion isn't until next week.
Our baby is creepy.
That's how we know it's ours. haha
Randomize
