we had that weird still in bed morning after conversation. Her dad is the vp of my company.
You don't need id to drink rum in an alley.
How much cunt could a cunt bag punch if a cunt bag could punch cunt?
i'm gonna start putting 34DD under other qualifications on my bartender applications and see if that helps
I made a mac n' cheesicle. Better in my head than in real life. Gonna keep smoking to see if it gets better.
... They left for 10 minutes and came back with a lobster he's in the toilet downstairs
It's just good to know that when I drink like a twenty year old I still act like one.
Why is everyone else growing up when I'm just crying, eating, and having pregnancy scares?
You're the only one to love me enough for me to admit the following: Rock-bottom sounds like sobbing to a Miley Cyrus song.
my throat is bruised, my back is scarred, my vagina feels like it's going to fall off.. you're like godzilla. you destroy everything.
In two separate occurrences, I could have avoided getting my heart broken, and chlamydia, all with a left swipe.
I'm trying to find a fanny pack so I can bring pizza on my run
You have no concept of how high I am, do you?
If I don't wake up tomorrow you inherit my paycheck and can only spend it at cinnabon
I remember is someone saying "I smell weed" and then having a room full of sober high school kids look at me.
Randomize
