I want to stick my p in your. b.
My unemployment check should really just be direct-deposited into the checking account of my drug dealer
u know what's depressing? a picture of an owl without a graduation cap
he asked me out through an event invitation on facebook, the title read Romantic Dinner For 2
Whenever someone from high school gets pregnant or has a pregnancy scare my self esteem grows a good 5 points
I think you begin to realize how unfair life really is when you're high and you discover that the new box of fruit by the foot on your shelf is actually empty
There were two girls and a guy on a bed and now i can put porn director on my resume.
Remember when we saw my neighbor taking dick pics of himself? He's back at it!
I ate all his french fries. He was no longer useful to me.
dude there's a blind guy on the trail using his service dog to hit on girls.
I think girls have an advantage in chugging contests. We know how to just open our throats.
What am I doing? I'm usually only attracted to horrible people.
Sorry I've been a slutty nightmare this week
Do you remember coming over and asking for toast and then singing that yeah toast song very loudly while you were dropping my bread all over my kitchen?
Who told you he won a fight? He slammed his face into the ground while trying to do 11 push-ups
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