I just woke up to a lawnchair covered in lipstick. I'm wearing red lipstick. What happened and is the tequila?
therell be strippers and coke right?
no strippers. just coke.
i hate this fuckin recession
I tried watching the view, i got through 8 minutes. That is probably a world record.
They always sound like a bunch of chickens.
HOLD UP I think she only has eight fingers...
His idea of a romantic evening was shotgunning Keystones. What a keeper.
Me and my dog bond so much when im high.
A guy at the bar bought me a jag bomb because I'm the chick that frosts his donuts at KT. Never have I been more proud of being a failure at life.
Peach margaritas. And fuck whatever you're about to say, the girl to guy ratio is like 6:1. I need those odds
I've never seen a kid turn down a sure thing for a possible handy by a freshmen. You need to re-evaluate.
Like it was the Mama Mia of shit shows. That bad.
There are several different types of life sentences in my purse right now.
Thanks for the hickies, asshole. I make my living as a fitness instructor. It's gonna look reeeeeeal weird if I have to wear a scarf while teaching Zumba all week.
I don't need you anyway! I have puppies and booze!
I can't believe you're forcing me to handle this hangover sober
The most awkward thing in the morning is seeing your teacher's dick right before you go to his class.
Randomize
