You should have seen her outfit yesterday. It was like pretty woman before Richard Gere gave her money to buy a new outfit.
u think ur still drunk from last night? i just put the eggs in the freezer and the remote in the sink. I don't wanna fucking hear it.
Nope. Can't afford girlfriends. Still looking for the 25 year old bisexual tripled who owns a brewery or a casino.. the search continues....
Hypothetically, how much legal trouble do you think i will be in for stealing someone's dog?
Aw lol. Sounds like my masturbation injury last year
Walked girl from last night to car as gf was driving up. Got slow clap from neighbors.
I don't want to be with anyone who doesn't accept me for who I am. eating cheeseburgers in bed is my favorite activity.
Just played slippy cup. Flip cup plus slip n slide. What did you do with your fourth of july?
I'm fucking a man old enough to be my father who is also dating my boss. What have you done with your life?
Just set myself on fire a little bit. Made me think of you.
There's times when I need to be plowed... and I'm ashamed to admit auto correct was able to predict that entire sentence.
I can't wait til me and pit bull can just be together
As if I didn't already know that I was in the friend zone, our conversation that included the words "kiddo" and "old friend" really was a knee biter.
I threw up all of my purple drank and thats really important
She thinks I cheated on her 10 years ago in a past life lmao
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