if i were to get pulled over right now, the only thing i would be guilty of is listening to 90's Mariah Carey
It was my birthday today and i decided that i am not checking my notifications on facebook so ill feel popular
Wrong number and your a loser
all thats left of you is your magnum wrapper on my dresser
Lots of explosions. Minor nudity. Full penetration and lots of tuxedos.
He' s half Black and half Italian, I finally asked...this penis maybe one for the records.
I love memorial day. It's drinking in the name of patriotism. God Bless America
These old men are woofing at me..PLEASE HURRY
I'm going to tattoo a maze on my back for the next fucker that tries to blow early ....
Like "oh its Monday, gotta get wasted today!" not "oh its Monday.. Gotta go to class"
Dad's already had 6 Zionist conspiracy rants and moms trying to detect any "dark energies" in my soul. You have 4 days before you return to this shit: ENJOY THEM
Girl, we were harassing people from the top of a building. I don't know how I got down, but I'm eating chocolate cake in my kitchen. Sall good yo.
I just sent an "I'm sorry I forged a prescription in your name" email. It was one of the more awkward things I've done this week.
He showed up riding a bike blasting the ghostbusters theme song. His name was Lasercat. Im in love.
Fucked him in a graveyard. Need plan b.
He was 6'8" - I shit you not! He sat up in my bed and the ceiling fan got him right in the forehead.
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