I think being a buddhist has made me a better drunk
all i remember is that her bootyshorts said 'shameless' and that there was no turning back.
I fingered her though her window because she couldn't leave
What goes on in that head of yours?
Gay sex, for the most part. Why?
What was the name of that place where we saw that concert? It was like a warehouse and some guy was living in the loft above the stage...
It's called: a legit place to drop acid.
Winner winner, chicken dinner. I am the sole survivor of the orgy without strep. Or maybe I was the carrier?
I just found a video of you asking to be a whale with me.
Omg, you would have loved the guy I almost hit with my car tonight
I can't. Currently naked covered in Nair trying desperately to catch his cat that rubbed up on my leg.
I hate that cat.
You were supposed to behave this weekend.
But... naked.
The walk of shame is a lot easier when I'm at a music festival and it's 12 feet from his tent to my tent
You are living the dream.
Her mom is a nurse who got called in to declare someone dead. Just got wing manned by a corpse.
He has an accent, blue cross AND gainful employment. Just saying, he's going to urgent care once I'm done with him
listen i get youre a daddy dom but that doesnt give you a pass to make dad jokes
Theres about 23 grilled cheese sandwiches stuck to my ceiling and tomato soup all over the kitchen. You are never allowed over again. Ever.
Randomize
