Is a Chipotle burrito an acceptable "sorry I ran over your cat" gift?
Fuck Spring. The birds chirping at 4am make me feel unnatural for still being up and drunk.
It smelled like mall pretzels. Of course I investigated.
The barista asked if I wanted my drink wet or dry, but all that came to mind was farts. You have ruined me.
You can identity the picture as me the mistress his wife and him. It's that kinda awkard.
I'm watching sex and the city with my wine and Wendy's. I'm not sure if this is single woman empowerment or not.
smoked some of that legal weed last night, felt like God himself legit bent me over his knee and spanked my ass. Never again..never.
Sure. But we have to be quiet.
Ninja mode activated
Well he was mad because I chose tequila over him. He obviously doesn't understand that he will always be second to my first true love.
Btw "you gettin a workout in" isn't a great gym pickup line. Like no I'm fucking grabbing lunch on my way to class.
Just witnessed a man yell "gonna catch a slut!" at himself in the mirror while doing bicep curls at the gym.
I was...perplexed.
Your girlfriend agreed to a threesome, I saw dogs in a bar. It seems life is falling into place for us
The thing I'm gonna miss about him is his dick.
Okay she just told me to turn the volume down on the fan. What does this even mean?
I was pretty sure he wouldn't be into me after I fucked his brother, and then his best friend, and yet, here I am doing lines off his stomach
Randomize
