the next pure michigan commercial i see, i am going to pee in a fucking lake
You'll be proud of me
Who did you not have sex with
Damn it...you know me too well
we're at Rob's house and just invented the best drinking game ever....we are on Chatroulette and everytime we see a dick we all have to drink.
he literaly had industrial grade plastic underneth his blankets
you kept insisting that i was jake gyllenhaal and you were heath ledger.
I'm currently using two paint brushes as chopsticks to eat lasagna.... college.
i like how i just referred to his pregnant wife as the "other" melissa and you didn't even judge me.
There's a wake for a coworker on 420 during te time of 420... Hoping everyone will be too sad to notice how high I am.
Seriously? What part of meeting at Oktoberfest while I'm wearing a dirndl, double fisting, and making out with random guys screams "i'm girlfriend material"?!
Either way, we will celebrate half Christmas the only way we can. Completely and irresponsibly wasted.
she basically told me that her vine videos last longer that I do
You fell asleep standing up against the shower wall
Bitch are you kidding? 2016 is gonna be the year our pussies run for president
final thoughts: i just want someone into choking me out, weed and anime
I need to learn how to not be a fucking liability
Randomize
