Is it necrophilia if we're both dead?
Fuck. I have a girl here waiting on me in my room! I told her I was going to get a drink of water... I'm in the bathroom taking a dump... I have mudd butt bad... There's NO toilet paper!!
And when I look at him, I just want him to say "I love you" in between deep thrusts and hard grunts.
neither the pictures you took nor my hangover explain why there are skittles in my shoe
Yea i'm supposed to have jury duty on monday. Hope they don't mind me still being drunk.
Na you can't get charged for public intoxication unless you're outside. I checked.
i'm ready for this baby to gtfo so i can get coked out.
All I know is that if a letter starts with "I'm aware you jerked off in the bathroom last night," I don't want to finish reading it.
He just gave a drunken 7 minute speech on how to make the perfect grilled cheese. he explained types of butter and cheeses....i think i love him
HOLY FUCK I JUST GOT WOKEN UP BY THUNDER!!!!!
I THINK I SHARTED
I'm currently looking on facebook to see how slutty the girls from my kindergarden class are now. I have a problem.
You just can't finish a sentence that starts with "I may have drunk peed in the bed" with "do you mind if I skip work and sleep here?" Anyways, yeah still drunk at work.
I specialize in how to hang out and party with randoms after you've hooked up with them. Not in feelings.
Going through my bras is like traveling back in time through my past hookups and relationships....
Was the guy in the cowboy hat kinda hot or have I just not had sex in a really long time?
Why so philosophical about cake and sex this morning?
Randomize
