Yo I charged a $20 breakfast to ur room, will pay u back in liquor and schoolgirl panties, thx again for a fun time
I didn't talk to you tonight because I've decided you look like a man.
why does he think he needs to feed/take me out to get some ass? we are at a bar wasting my fucking time
maybe i'll make good life choices and keep my legs closed. periodically txt me friday and saturday night saying "baby carrot round 2" that should stop me.
My asshole is basically a geyser at this point. Minus the excitement. Plus blood.
Just took an adderall with a shot of tequila while doing my makeup in the parking lot at work before I go in. I'm also late. They're so lucky to have me.
i swear, you were born with a blunt in one hand and somebody else's wallet in the other.
I had to warn the neighbors
Warn them about what?! It's noon
"Pay no attention to me if at random points of the day I'm outside with kitty cat ears on" I'm a mess...
He called me baby cakes during sex... Can U not
If I remember correctly I tried to steal a mail truck last night
WHY DID I MAKE A 7 minute video of me eating crackers and cheese when I was high
Send it to me
The free coupon that printed out with the purchase of my plan b emergency contraception was for allergy meds. I feel like a coupon for condoms would've been more fitting in this situation.
Oh wait. It's for wart remover. Fitting, afterall.
I wish people could trade lives with me for a day so they could see how much better my life is compared to theirs
Dude I had my dad cock block me once
I need to go to St. Louis more often. The brides sorority sisters were practically fighting over me once they heard I work on Wall St.
Randomize
