Nyc is like a mosaic of my failed dates.
He tried to pick up a girl by telling her about his homosexual experience in high school.
went to library to start paper due tomorrow & took those orange addys u gave. now realizing they were ur xanax. completely fucked and going to fail, but calmly at peace with the situation.
At this point it has been so long i wouldnt know what a dick was if it slapped me in the face.
She's the only one so far who hasn't laughed at me naked.... I'm gonna marry her.
Aparently his snake got loose in the middle of the night. Not a sex joke, he has a fucking snake
The bar posted my picture because my name changes with each new fake i get. i'm getting a wig.
HE HAS A FUCKING TWIN. HE HAS A TWIN. I'M NOT DRUNK THERE IS TWO OF THEM.
i yelled at him for a little and we ended up fucking in a random tennis court.
Want me to give your number to an army recruiter?
I don't know... do you want me to use your number to sell used gay porn on Craigslist?
I sense beginning a prank war would end badly for both of us.
You'd think, but when you nail one sorority sister, you might as well have nailed them all.
You screamed "show me a dick stand!" But before I could ask you wft that was you had passed out in the corner
Figured out how I got so much alcohol in my hair: tried to drink my drink using my cleavage as a cup holder. Missed my drink hole and got it all in my hair
Im going to hell I gave him a handjob on the plane next, to an old guy playing video games on his iPad, on good friday.
Pretty sure my parents just hear me get off from the living room but I feel like they should be proud that I did it without a man honestly.
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