i passed out on the floor in my hallway and woke up with my dog licking himself 2 inches from my face. my first reaction? envy
I wish i could clap on, clap off my penis
Just saw a girl leaving CVS on her bike with a case of beer. She tried to ride one handed with the case under her other arm and fell over off the sidewalk. I'm glad to see someone else's life is a bigger joke than mine.
Captain Phil from deadliest catch died... im trying to think of a memorial fb status but "ill miss your crabs" doesnt sound right
I stayed at the bar and helped clean up cause I was told I'd get free shots. Didn't happen.
We invented "Diesel Bombs." They're supposed to be a bomb, but they come in a 20+ oz. glass and have a blackout record of 6 wins and 0 losses. Undoubtedly going to be the next Muhammed Ali of the drinking world.
I smell like Captain Morgan and tears
I would never do this in real life. It's only college.
I'm tryin a pb and onion sandwich now
Please smoke with me until I agree that sounds like a good idea
Uhh dog found a condom. FYI its on the table by couch please dispose of it. No reply Necessary
Apparently I send drunk snapchats a lot and they always have random dudes in them. Like one night it was just me and some guy I don't know sitting on my couch.
I've discovered my ability to crush a man's ego is greater than my hate for beer.
The parents I babysit for are at this orgy. I need to leave.
We're gonna have to check the security cameras after last night
They already have a joint checking account. She's got his balls in her purse! What's next, a shared Facebook account?
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