I think I took your hangover as a birthday present
She told me she couldnt give me head last night because she was running out of listerine
Sitting in a bubble bath with my bong, how's your morning?
im looking at burger kings website. there isnt one anywhere close to where we were last night. i think it was sent from heaven
Somehow she slept thru the vacuuming, people walking in and out, and the sound of constant beer bottles hitting the trash, but when someone said weed in a regular volume of voice she startled awake.
i decided what we are doing for your 21st b-day: camelbacks filled with margaritas
Woke up under the lifeguard stand sleeping next to mitch our homeless friend. I bartered a summer wardrobe for his last 5 dollar to buy a bfast sandwich. Bring clothes
I am currently exfoliating my skin with the toilet. We've never been so close.
There's always one sober annoying person at a party. I hate responsible people. I just wanted to show everyone my nipples. There cute. She didn't have to stop me
I woke up on a navy base in a different time zone. I'm never leaving tallahassee again.
So I'm going to regale you with a tale of someone who went out, was fed way to many shots, got super wasted and now has a date with one of the security guards from the building but has no idea what his name is. That someone is me
That pizza at 1 am literally tasted like I was eating an angel
Dinner at 5, shrooms at 10.
Probably not. Getting pulled over and puking my guts out on the side of the road in front of the cop and him making fun of me, was not my finest moment. Plus I lost my debit card.
I woke up in a bathtub full of green and blue Nickelodeon slime! wtf?!
Randomize
