dude i totally did the walk last night came out of her room to see her dad sitting there straight lookin at me...wtf
i woke up to see him pissing on your n64. thats like killing a unicorn. punishable by death for sure.
9 of the 12 girls i had sex with in college are on facebook
it was an ugly road back then. i'm sure time hasn't been friendly.
The last thing I remember is pushing my way into the bathroom and dumping a 40 on him. We havent talked since.
You bit the bartender when he refused to poor rum in your purse and hand you a straw.
Crashed the mayor's bday party, no list for some reason. Wore suits. Ludacris was there.
She gained 35 lbs and has an ankle bracelet, time for new booty call.
In a shocking revelation, I learned that the Easter Sunday shit show happened not because of vodka but because my gay neighbor drugged me.
I just had nipple jewelry returned to me in the law library.
I just remember dedicating a shot to me giving you head so it was obviously a good night
I wouldn't be too worried. He's been known to chase a chubby before.
THAT IS NOT HOW YOU TALK TO YOUR SISTER
I just sent an "I'm sorry I forged a prescription in your name" email. It was one of the more awkward things I've done this week.
In between explaining the best feminist lenses for the myth of Persephone and doing vodka shots with my friends she dragged me into my car and gave me an Earth shattering blow job. Honestly I think I'm in love.
OMG I DIDNT READ THAT TEXT CAREFULLY CAUSE I'M ON THE DEVILS LETTUCE & I THREATENED TO PUNCH A CHILD OMG I'M SO SORRY
School supplies are right next to the margarita mix at target. Its a sign
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