those girls across the street saw me hanging my towel off of my penis...they're coming over later
I'm surrounded by too many unhungover people.
I think I get why guys like boobs so much. I just motorboated myself and it's fun. My boobs feel soft and squishy on my face.
Just got to school and somone already mentioned the amount of cereal im carrying.
this just proves how much faith i have in "us".. what should we be for halloween..?
Walking out of our apartment this morning to go to class, I saw a sticky note on the front door that said "get tested." The door was unlocked so did you bring some stranger back last night? I'm assuming you weren't referring to me...
What's up with the fire hydrant in the laundry room?
i think you may have a shot to cock block in a moment. just saying.
Wake up an cock block please bc these are noises i dont ever want to hear again
No piss test, hell yeah
FALSE ALARM. PISS TEST. I NEED YOUR PISS.
Once you share a nude experience with someone and three Norwegian guys, you're bound for life.
I'm only friends with her because I can't stop watching the train wreck.
I just walked out of the side door of the bar to come in the front door so no one would know I've been here drinking before our work meeting.
It was ok until his mom walked in and asked if he turned on the crock-pot...
Soooooooo high. David tried to rinse the water droplets out of the sink for 5 minutes
I tried to breakup with him by telling I had a threesome. He one upped me by saying he had a 5-some so I couldn’t do it.
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