grinding to god bless the USA? really?
shut up
That's the secret to virgins: blizzards.
i have nine cents in my fucking bank account... not even a dime
My bracket is officially just a list of teams that lost.
You think they'd ask my permission before turning Pajamarama into an orgy. I saw too many of my friends dicks at once the door got kicked down.
He is just lying there. People are throwing money onto his chest as they walk by...
Now you know my pain. Live with it. Own it. Recognize it. Cause its like shitting napalm.
If you're wondering why you have playpen balls it's because we stopped at chuckie cheese on the way home.
Would I chase a raccoon with a flaming stick sober?
I didn't have toilet paper until 20 minutes ago. But I have champagne. Priorities.
I learned a very valuable lesson tonight...don't touch a cops tazer
Is her dick bigger than yours?
Next time I pee on a car, I'll text you.
How do I word.. " hey, I need you to fuck me really hard and see if you or I can feel my birth control. No worries, this is just an experiment." In a nice way without them feeling used.
He sounds like Chris Tucker and wants to eat me out when I’m on my period. If that isn’t love I don’t know what is.
Randomize
