Either seal the deal or get out of the room, I don't want to hide in this closet anymore
level of my singleness - just ate a whole pizza topless in bed.
My neighbor asked me to tell you to stop changing in front of their house. Do I even want to know?
It is way too early in the summer for me to be coming into work still drunk.
She sucks. And I almost hooked up with a clown last night
Hi. This might be awkward, but I met you on saturday at about 330 am. I have to admit I don't remember your name, what we talked about, or various details of how I got home. What I do remember is that I was invested enough in getting your number to ask my cab driver for a pen to write it down since my phone was dead. So do you want to meet, soberer, some time?
Hey bro I think you got the wrong number I'm a dude
He's German, so by default he gets to fuck me.
Sometimes i like to think we arent living together next year and that im living with models that like to experiment but you ruin that fantasy time and time again
He has silky zebra print sheets, which you would think he put on just for me, but the bed was unmade. Did I just sleep with a closet case??
Our house rule in beer pong, is that if you get the ball in the bitch cup.... you have to snapchat your balls to everyone on your friends list.
Got caught up in a real life love triangle. Both guys wanted me. I'm tempted to just run off with the cute girl from McDonalds instead
Please do that
i look like i'm walk-of-shaming but i'm really showered and re-clothed and rallying. i fool everyone
the good news is I finally used my captain america waffle maker to make captain america waffles
I definitely almost just pulled a condom out of my purse instead of money for my dad.
I have bruises everywhere an I broke the lamp. So ya I'd considerate rough sex.
Randomize
