Plan A DEFINITELY worked... Go with me to get Plan B??
I love how its suddenly "not all about sex" now that he can't get it up
Not cool at all. Last night I organized my condoms by expiration date. I need to get laid.
I hope he doesn't find the chex mix when he takes my shirt off.
He could tell i had a fever by feeling my tits. He gets docter of the year.
his teacher called to say he gave a girl on the playground a rock to touch his penis. proudest moment of my fatherhood
Operation: sleep in every bed at the boys' house is nearing completion. Now at 5/9. I AM GOLDILOCKS AND NO ONE CAN STOP ME
We're gonna have screwdrivers in a cab at 4am?
Is that weird?
I went through my entire iTunes library and made a playlist called "Feelings". I have 7.5 hours of feelings.
Man. Apparently I blacked out between the 4th margarita and my air mattress. Asleep in my jeans at 10pm. Mom outdrank me again.
He wants me to tell you "my boner misses you"
Go have fun. I'm gonna go shower off the regret.
She's eating hot cheetos out of the bag with chopsticks, Matt, how is she NOT my soulmate?
How do I let my trainer know I'm only at the gym so I can get in more intense sex positions?
She really wants to put my dick in her mouth, and to be honest I really don't want to put it there.
Randomize
