the bouncer made me realize that puking in line does not get you in any faster
I just bought a vibrating toothbrush with my parents FSA insurance card because I'm too broke for a vibrator. New.Level.Of.Low.
Her boobs more than make up for all the flaws with her personality.
I only have two playlists on my iPod. One for when im getting drunk, one for when I'm getting high. Is this something to be worried about?
I woke up naked on the bathroom floor. the tile grout marks on my boobs hurt, i mananged to use a roll toilet paper as a pillow. never again. did we eat salad?
I don't know bro, all I could remember is that he kept saying hallelujah and calling that girl Slutimus Prime
bah. we'll see. don't give yourself a boner of false hope.
He had a drawn-on fu manchu and now my vagina has one too.
I appear to have wine on my toes. I am really not clear as to how this happened. I'm gonna have a little lie down.
his first act of 2015 was getting stabbed
valentines day is a day for loved ones to share. So me and my vibrator. Happy holidays.
I used an emoji to tell him I was pregnant. I should feel bad about that, right?
I like to be the stable force in your otherwise chaotic existence.
You said too many real things and now I need to crawl back inside my protective fort of sarcasm, being an asshole, and sass
We really gotta wear capes to the bar more often...
Randomize
