had to check his id this morning to remember his name.... i was wayy off
I spent all day at the mall with her, then she made me actually watch a walk to remember then decided to tell me she was on her period. This one is either really crafty or I am really desperate.
It's official, the cities waste management does not recycle porn.
sooo I am sorta kinda using your name as my stripper stage name.
I was having the most awesome dream about onion rings and you hit me and told me to stop touching you...WTF?
Carving a pumpkin in a gay bar at 2am. How did my life get to be this way.
Next think I knew I was pretty much using his penis as a microphone... No more playing Eminem during hookups
The guy behind me is talking about how his life goal is to use his knowledge of mathematics to make the world a better place. My only life goal right now is getting through this lecture without throwing up in my lap.
I've decided that I'm okay with you getting a goat. I have to get over my completely rational fear of goats somehow.
We drunkenly built a couch fort and fucked in it. I've known her since preschool. This was every childhood fantasy mixed with adult dreams come true.
There should be a Doritos delivery van or something.
If I'm gonna have a rotation of guys, I really should stop them leaving boob bruises...
Idk what's happening right now but im wearing a tutu and pissed as fuck.
when I walked in the door they were passed out naked, on top of eachother, with tetris controllers in their hands.
I share a birthday weekend with Easter this year, so that fucking sucks. I hate sharing...and I have to share with fucking Jesus this year.\n
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