and then he ordered a "diet and rum" like the most important part of the drink was the diet.
Just saw a guy doing jumping jacks at the gym. I don't even have to create a punch line for that
we're doing beer bongs from the windmill...epic
Yea, remember to blow out the fire from flaming shots. Unless you want burnt lips. Just saying, I'm an example of ignorance and intoxication.
totally just got a week extension on my midterm by telling my prof that I had just found out I was adopted
I keep replaying commercials about kittens frolicking and was crying nonstop. WILL MY PERIOD LAST FOREVER!?
When my parents ask if I met any nice guys in California, I'm going to answer, "No, but I have gone home with alot of nice girls". Too much, too soon?
Sadly, she's the porn star that got away
I've learned life lessons in Vegas. Mostly, drugs are cheaper than alcohol.
The teenager outdrank all of us. All. Of. Us. I woke up and she was getting everyone water and fruit snacks. I give up.
Me and Jason had to grab your legs and arms and drag you in the house. You kept screaming "leave me for dead"
My trash can accurately represents my weekend: Bojangles wrappers and magnums.
How much glitter would I have to ingest in order for a "magnificent" amount to appear in my ejaculate?
He can be a kind, caring soul but also give in to the temptation of eating unicorn ass.
How did you get so drunk?
Alcohol.
Randomize
