There is somethin about your sexuality that makes my dick do jumping jacks when I see you
why does he think he needs to feed/take me out to get some ass? we are at a bar wasting my fucking time
Please return the baby Jesus and sheep to the quad
her moans were so awkward that i kept asking "what" when she'd say my name...
There's a big hole in the wall at the dining hall. I hope we didn't do
Sitting in airport bathroom. Guy walks into toilet next to me and announces "I want to apologize to the entire airport for what I'm about to do"
On the way out the door to work grabbed the wine glass on the floor left for the ghost of Elijah and chugged it. PASSOVER.
You attract beautiful men with jobs. I attract ONE WITH A SOUL PATCH.
it was a sexy soul patch.
He just ranted to some customer about fourth of July being ruined and I just shouted USA the whole time in the background. It was kinda epic
You know you threw a brownie at my head last night. And said you did it to defend the turtles honer....
I need a beard to bite.
Worst case: you're extra horny, have no control of your mouth or actions, and maybe murder someone. Child's play.
This kid wants me to stop partying. Like I have only known you for 5 days. Chill.
About to wash down a xan with an iced pumpkin spiced latte from starbs and I feel like I've never lived up to my stereotype so much at one time
yeah we're all naked, and I think we just shaved Chad.
Randomize
