My wife caught me jerking off, I had to tell her I was thinking bout her
This is a mass text. Does anyone know where I am?
That Joe Wilson reference just earned you a blow job, Mister!
I wish we were homeless so drinking on the streets was acceptable.
You claimed your dick was a divining rod, spun in a circle 3 times and walked into the bar you stopped in front of...consequently there was a bikini shoot going on
I AM TEN TEQUIA SHOOTS ON AND I JUST SAW SOMEONE DO A BODY SHOT OFFF OF JESUS
THIS FEELS SO WROG AND OH SO RIGHT
I think this agreement was sent by God. I get to do my own thing, get laid, and he still makes me breakfast in the morning.
Who would've thought that Monopoly night would've ended with some girl peeing on the couch.
Whiskey dick is like insurance for making bad decisions
Buying the inflatable beer pong table for the pool was one of the best investments I've ever made
Apparently mr clean magic erasers don't clean blood off the ceiling
Just banged your ex. So it really is 'him, not you' in that he's gay. Rodeo champion gay.
seriously considering getting an electric blanket rather than sleeping with guys this winter for warmth.
Leaves on the ground. Coffee in one hand and your man in my other. Lovely fall morning.
He cut off part of his middle finger playing the knife game while singing The Knife Game Song at the top of his lungs. He also scream like a girl when his finger hit the floor and he realized he fucked up.
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