you're like a bully in the Christmas story
maybe tonight we can turn coloring into a drinking game
Everything is bigger in Texas. Including Colt's vagina.
i just went to use the bathroom this morning and I couldn't because there was someone puking in every stall. i'm going to miss the dorms this summer
I woke up to his little sister feeling me up. I guess it's time to meet the family.
just put an icicle in the bong. best/worst idea ever. i think i can taste global warming right now.
Somehow "stranger danger" turned into making out with a 25 year old on burbon street.
You found me in the back room alone eating someone else's whole birthday cake with my hands then asked me if you could join.
Do you think it's illegal to work at a bar if you're on probation for a DUI? I need a night job where I can meet men.
Nope. Turns put my desperate group message for sex didn't work out.
Well you sent it to two guys who were roommates.
They could have rock paper scissored for it. My vagina = the prize.
We have to do it Saturday and get a thirty. If i remember correctly it takes me 12 beers to become a wizard
Hmmm... I thought we agreed as a group we make our last stand in Philly...
I don't wanna go out like that. Covered in melted cheese smelling like a sewer rat...
And also ice skating can blow me. Goodnight, love you!
Don't do tequila. The Devil himself spits into shot glasses and we call it tequila. You will do bad things.
Is it too much to ask to have a life partner who has both male and female sex organs that looks cute and sounds like a female Antonio Banderas and likes to get weird?
Randomize
