My sis friend said it was fake then described it as "scary"...greatest adj ever applied to my dick
At what point in time did you decide the pot head with Taco Bell was more important than all your friends.
At about the same time you guys weren't burritos.
So I was gonna stay in tonight but the president got me motivated! I will not quit. Bars here I come.
I hit 10,000 texts this month.. I think my grandkids have carpal tunnel.
You need Jesus. Or a midol and a snickers. Whichever.
Can't wait to go see my drug dealers baby being born. He rolled all of the "it's a boy" cigars into blunts.
Her inability to understand the word "moderation" is the achille's heel of an otherwise perfect human
Trying to figure out when's a good time to take acid and not tell anyone and see how long it takes people to notice
I'm thinking he has to buy me dinner at least twice before i even start considering casting him for "Fuck buddy - understudy."
It's pretty fantastic. I just wanna know how your bra ended up in the aquarium the other night.
i showed up sober to class for the first time. my prof said that i was "off my game today". i love philosophy
So nowhere in the dress code does it forbid me from showing up to City Hall in a gorilla suit to meet the mayor.
When you're trying to sneak from the bathroom to your room with dildo, but it glows in the dark and suddenly your entire life is illuminated in the shape of dick
When the bouncer wouldn't let you back in you screamed "Authority is not given you to deny the return of the king!" and ran past him.
Pregaming at Jodi's. Ten minutes
Thought it was at Brad's?
Pregaming the pregame. Need alcohol before I can see that dick.
Randomize
