HE had a tribal tattoo tramp stamp, jasmine.
Why wouldn't u just let me ride the washing machine
You kept telling the cops that our ice luge was practice for the next winter olympics
Bitch looked at my dick and said "I thought they called you horsecock, I'm already disappointed"
I told you that line would get her home never said it was a good idea
I took in his dog. My exboyfriend still calls me for 2 things, blow jobs and animal rescue. I need to end this cycle
She's cute, but batshit. Like some kind of dominatrix disney princess.
She's cute. And her snoring noises remind me of the incidental music from Jaws.
I look like i have multiple stab wounds in my foot and there are footprints from the elevator to my room. What happened?
my cat just photo bombed my nudie.. does this qualify me as a cat lady?
He realized that I was watching deadliest catch while we were jerkin off on FaceTime.
I hid a TracFone in her bra. We'll find her tomorrow.
And here I thought that was one nut sack too many
11:30 you texted me saying he was on his way. 11:37 you said, "Oh my God that was terrible."
Hitting up all my dealers for my birthday grams is paying off
And it only took a fake engagement ring, a condom and a bowl of weed
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