You're the only person with a favorite bar in Disneyworld
Nothing better then your mother meeting someone you randomly had sex with and him introducing himself as the guy who rocked her world once.
guy in the car over is getting some terrible road head. he just gave me a thumbs down when he noticed i was watching.
just dd'd my mom home while she begged me to let her drunk dial my ex, jammed out to party in the usa, and then passed the fuck out. thanks for the genes mom.
Well, I didn't bring a notebook or any paper to class. Should I take notes on the sugar packet, lace thong, or condom wrapper that instead are in my school bag?
If i pass out for a while at graduation, please atleast TRY to wake me?
i dont know what was worse.. snorting the wasabi or puking on the neighbors dog
My neighbour is taking her hamster for a walk on a leash. Come over now
no need to worry, I have the internet and a cape, I can accomplish anything. nothing can go wrong, I am unstoppable. Yo.
Is there a greeting card for "I can't keep being The Other Woman"?
just got permission to expense a nerf gun
The struggles of a small town man whore
I just ordered a five person drink for myself.... Right about now you should start saving me from myself....
I just realized this morning that my fridge is stocked with coronas, hot dogs, and cheese dip. And I just got waxed. High-five, your best friend is on track to be all kinds of slutty fun this wkd.
Yes I went home with her last night. I woke up this morning and ran into my boss on the way to the bathroom. Monday is going to suck at work.
Randomize
