Having sex with her is like doing taxes, Happens once a year and I usually end up paying.
My gynecologist just commented on how well my vagina was waxed
We were squawking at each other for over an hour like chickens. Literally. Never touching the stuff again and never again showing my face at that Denny's.
I'm deep cleaning my room right now. Not sure if it actually needs it or if I'm just trying to symbolically cleanse myself of the last 24 hours.
no dude free pina colada`s taste like what I would expect my penis to taste like except gay-er.
Goldenshlager is a hell of a drink. And these are the adventures ur missing out on w me. I gave someone a bath Emily. A BATH.
Awkward
Can't say I wouldn't let it happen again.
I hugged the bouncer as we left.
Considering that your "hello" was replaced with "Fuck yo couch," I'm not surprised that you have a black eye.
I'm standing at the bottom of the driveway w a sign that says plow me
All I see when I think of you are dancing penis angels around your head.
He just kept mumbling that he was too drunk for society and then he peed in a bush
Anyone who has court these next few days keep your head up & smile knowing we broke the County Record with 27 underage consumptions
Fell asleep on kitchen floor again, chicken nuggets everywhere.
Your friends are scaring the cats so I'm going to smoke weed with them to call them down.
DO NOT LET HIM TAKE CONTROL OVER YOUR BOWELS
Randomize
