How's tricks little girl?
Trix are for kids, old man.
I think I'm going to be in trouble for sneaking out last night. My Dad saw me drive up this morning when he was leaving early for work.
What'd you say?
I told him I was sleep driving
me and ur bf were arguing about whether coke was vegan. i really hope it's vegan
so he let me use one of the toothbrushes that came in his daughters 4 pack, purple glittery toddler toothbrush, the next time i came back his wife has used their label maker and put my name on it...
Let's roleplay tonight. I'll be drunken diva and you be sexy sober.
IF that's your way of making me dd then count me out.
I would like to apologize for making you the target of my "I wish head hair grew as fast as Pubes speech" the other night
Potato salad is not cupcake ingredient
I couldn't drown my sorrows in an ocean of jack daniels. They may have scuba gear.
We turned on "find my friends" and watched her progress. Got concerned when she didn't move for an hour on Adelaide, turned out a booty call was made, then she went back to the bars.
1. My arms are cement 2. I wish dogs could answer the phone
Just got high and apologized to my vagina for getting chlamydia
In my defense, who let the drunk girl run around with a sack of broken glass unsupervise?
I had to rename my dildo. I met a little kid who named his teddy bear the same name. It just felt wrong.
Company meeting and there he was. Felt a little weird like 'last night you were telling me how your dick loves me, and now we're listening to a report on sales figures'.
There's a kitten on my face and I'm druuuunk
Randomize
