Babe! I just farted and I swear to jesus lord christ that it sounded like ur name! Ok, more like Meeatt but still... awesome.
weed brownie and a latte, breakfast of champions
her cat was choking so she kept trying to stick her finger in her cat's mouth while saying "it's okay kitty, just do what mommy does"
stopped you just in time from sledding down the roof.
Its really bad when you fall asleep at a stop light outside the hotel and you wake up to a small spanish limo driver knocking on your window to tell you it's a green light
I just beer bonged. Soco and spite please get on my levvl my hair is in buns
just got in my apt...and theres jungle juice here i left from over a month ago..this could be interesting...or deadly
I threw up in the bar parking lot and yelled THIS IS MY FUTURE.
The guy I woke up with is wearing the same nailpolish as me...I need to stop drinking
Just woke up from a weed coma and found a stem in my bra. Rainy day success.
And think got sick again from going outside naked. Word to all females...don't try the naked trench coat thing.
then he grabbed my tit and yelled "FOR NARNIA!!" then dove into my vag. i think I will do him again strictly for the entertainment value
guy at the bar just asked how many cows we have on our land, then proceeds to ask me out. you know your from the country when....
It's very rude to dive mouth-first into someone's crotch without knowing if their wife is cool with it.
There is a guy down by the river wearing a zebra print speedo and a sombrero, with a beer in each hand, screaming "This is America bitches!"
Randomize
