ok understand this, i didn't pay for your dinner bc you said i wasn't going to get a blowjob for at least a month... this isn't a mail-in rebate deal, you gotta pay upfront
buying booze in bulk is always a bad idea. i wish there was some direct deposit-like system
Look at the bright side...I have an 11 inch penis
I found the other part of your tooth if you want to put it under your pillow
I am not old enough to be running into past fucks at the bank. This is at least a twenty five year old milestone.
My dad is drinking wine out of a measuring cup. This explains so much.
Im in search of the perfect penis, it would be unethical for me not to test run them.
Not sure. We'll pass out on that bridge when we stumble to it.
Come, dress lightly, bring tequila...
There is a bottle of ciroc waiting graciously on my breakfast table. It's almost a sign for me to live up to my Russian blood.
Got too starbucks. 3out of the 4 girls working i have ducked and haven't ever called. My coffee has dick written on it. It may contain spit by pumpkin lattes are only once a year
I slept with the Australian in the bathroom of a gay bar. What has my life become.
Last time I "ran into him" I ended up with the clap and had to explain why the ladder was missing from the garage.
Are there rules against fucking your ex's dealer?
Are you coming over for scrambled eggs and hand jobs?
Randomize
