so... thinking about masturbating finally
taking the losers way out I see
Hangover Status: I've been bedridden longer than that kid from The Secret Garden. It's not looking good.
I just ate a can of beans for dinner so I can afford to go get a 5$ bottle of wine. I really did not think these choices would still be necessary at age 25.
I planned on emotionally scarring him for life this weekend. DAMN YOU PERIOD!
Nothing brings people closer than bonding over tequila shots and running from campus security.
I let a drunk, gay man in a dragon costume motor-boat me. With his dragon head.
I was trying to get everyone to go to the bar but I puked on my hands, so nobody took me seriously.
Do u feel more socially accepted since someone else made up their girlfriend too?
But the Super Mario beer pong table is more than appropriate.
There must be a happy medium universe where you get it on with my girlfriend enough to cause me pain but not a full on cardiac arrest. It's a fine line to tread though.
Your aunt just offered to blow me for a ride home....how did you end up such a prude?
We're so high we're eating flavored lube.
If my dildo had feelings, they. Would've deffinately been hurt. He put that toy to shame..
Maybe the "i killed someone" and "tequila makes my clothes come off" comments freaked him out.
Dude you came into the room last night soak and wet and told me you just took a shit in the shower
Randomize
