I just left the house and 2 chicks are in the kitchen making breakfast. Might want to get up.
I'm up, no shirt, and staring at a breakfast casserole. Who are these girls?
Dancing like a fucking crazy person to jai ho with a snow ball in her hand. Snow days make her go nuts.
I mean we're not committed. He's my first choice, sort of like miller lite. When I'm at the bar I'm going to order one, but if they don't maybe I'll go for a bud or blue moon. I'm certainly not going to stop drinking
i lost my phone in the process of getting a condom out of my hair
So you plan on doing double washing machine sex? Like. A double date. But with sex. On a washing machine..?
Have invented new cocktail. Any flavor of crystal light and vodka. I call it "I am going to die alone"
I was just hoping for a dick worthy of his established age.
At first I was a little embarrassed for sharting, but then i realized it was a bachelor party, and I went balls to the wall
But we only had three ninja turtles. So everyone that would ask us where Donatello was, we would say "what? He's gone? Shredder is at it again!"
We need to make tonight low-budget
Is this your way of suggesting flasks?
All I remember is grabbing a random guys dick at the bar and him just saying thank you and us taking a shot together
Now I don't feel like I'm sweating cheeseburger all the time.
I found a bar with Metallica and a fire eater. I'm home
he looks like the poster child for myspace how the hell does he have other hoes?
Checked my bank account this morning...apparently I went to 7-11 at 4am and spent $22 on taquitos. New all time low for me.
I ate all of them. New all time low for ME.
Randomize
