She's like the female version of the Momento guy. She keeps forgetting that I'm an asshole after we have sex.
I've officially moved beyond college drinking. I just got business drunk at an internship seminar.
Let's get back to talking about you giving me a blow job.
Sometime between a drunk guy asking me if I'm a Beach person or a lake person WHILE HIS HAND WAS IN HIS FUCKING PANTS or breaking up a lady fight over peewee football league I started to reevaluate my life and self
She wanted to roleplay. Apparently you be snow and i'll be a plow wasn't an option
Dude, it's the frankincense and myrrh soap. Smelling like baby Jesus will get you laid.
I convinced a shit ton of people I was a russian foreign exchange student to get free drinks. I knew learning those accents would come in handy.
We're ordering chinese food so if you want to get on this obesity train answer me now.
I laid naked in his bed as he brought me an ice cream sandwich so I would say everything worked out great
Just convinced a housekeeper at work to set up her 401k. Gotta start hittin the gb every morning before work. Happy 420
Masturbated furiously for a half hour; ate a fistful of chocolate, then took a nap. Woke up and finished wrapping presents. I've got this holiday thing down.
I slept with my wedding DJ..... I think this means my life has come full circle
Emily saved me from being trapped on my roof and then I beat her in a race at 5am it was a low key night
i told them you weren't like that.. and they laughed at me?
she prefaced telling me she was pregnant with "houston, we have a problem"
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