We had two amazing nights in a row...it was so weird...I couldn't even go to sleep cause I thought maybe it was just in his plot to kill me.
is sleeping with your Political Science professor Politically incorrect?
Was he helping you 'cram' for your final, or just giving an oral exam?
I don't remember. Are we still dating?
the first call I got in the morning was from visa fraud prevention so yeah it was one of those nights
this is hardly the first time i've been told i'm dressed "too suggestively" for 7 in the morning.
I may have pooped in your shoe. or somewhere else in your closet. its unclear.
Our drug dealer just got busted, wear black tmrw
He ran headfirst into the atm. Thenasmed us what our spirit animals were...he said his was either a dolphin or a cabbage
Nice. I ate a jello shot out of a bovine blow up doll's love hole last night
she was masturbating to a video of herself masturbaing. She's a keeper
The car just stinks of weed and we are all sitting here trying to hide it from my mom by rolling down the windows, like it's not coming off my sisters boyfriend
Did your surprise acid trip turn out well?
We got a lap dance! I touched a boob!
Kids I used to babysit are now fuckable members of my social media periphery.. Getting old sucks
You asked me if I ever met a talking rock and when I said no, you looked me dead in the eye and said today was my lucky day then you crawled into a ball and started talking...that high.
Randomize
