is it sad that i think every plant i pass on the highway looks like a plant from farmville?
He's at the gym. He likes to get high and swim cause it makes him feel like a fish.
She asked the taxi driver to stop at the Texaco because she had to puke. She did then stumbled into the gas station and bought a 40.
walk of shame into the pharmacy with a busted up chin and laughing the lady at the counter rolled her eyes at me when I asked for the morning after pill.
I was more than drunk as hell I have rug burn on my elbows from ninja roles on the ground..
So lets not base feelings on vagina tingles
I felt really bad for not letting her go in, it was like we were dangling lesbians in front of her
OMG I WAS JUST THINKING ABOUT HOW OUR FRIENDSHIP IS SO REAL BECAUSE I SHOW YOU DICK PICS AND WE LAUGH TOGETHER.
If there aren't any tits where you are, you're doing it wrong.
He wore the same cologne as my orthodontist so all I could think about was how I hadn't worn my retainer in months
THE SUPER HOT BARTENDER WHO LOOKS LIKE RYAN GOSLING JUST WALKED IN. BUT HE DOESNT EVEN WALK HE GLIDES. LIKE AN ANGEL.
I just used Bacardi to dry out poison ivy.
I didn't want to leave, I wanted to move into his ass
Woke up next to a half eaten Philly Cheesesteak. Honestly probably one of the top 3 things I've ever woken up next to.
It's all fun and games until your mom recognizes your bootycall from 2018 as her attorney
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