is it bad that the economy has gotten so bad that finding cheap gas gives me the same excitement and joy as finding a hot, blonde haired, blue eyed, tall, athletic single straight guy?
you're thinking of things to pack this weekend and you think Don King wig?
Threw a lawn chair at the neighboors dog. I think I killed him. Come here and assess this
Woke up this morning with a note saying "great sex, see you never". Why can't I meet more women like her?
my goal is to not remember how i make a living by 9pm saturday night
A man pulled out his penis last night and when I said I wouldn't touch it, he said, "that's fine it just needs to breathe".
LSHMSFOAIDMT = laughing so hard my sombrero falls off and I drop my taco.
They have a booking log online so i can just check that instead of call
Technology: making bailing your sister out easier since 2008
he ate me out like 4 times and told me that my vagina "was too much fun".
my roommate made out with a guy wearing a squirrel costume, equipped with a blow up tail. time to start harvesting nuts for the winter
Yes. Amanda is the only option and I want cake so I can sacrifice my vagina.
No shame December is a go.
No one with a hairstyle like that is allowed to insult anyone for anything
Is it weird that the girl I'm fucking just wished me luck on my date tonight?
it's like my ID runs away from me when it knows it's time for me to drink
I was watchin a porno and I sware I saw that dude at the bar at applebees the other night
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