mmm... i enjoy making beautiful women smile
He wouldn't know what to do with his penis even if they made a "how to get a blowjob for dummies" guide
No matter how fun it seemed the night before you will always regret taking those pictures, you will always regret eating as much as you did, but you will never regret the great lengths you had to got to get those bruises.
You covered in salsa con queso would take care of all of my cravings right now
I'm so cold I just used my boobs to keep my face warm
my dad is going to jail this weekend
where are we going to get our weed from?
Dude you picked up her Chihuahua and threatened to kill it yelling "it's not cinco de mayo, bitches"
It's called the eyeliner-blowjob correlation, read a science book bro
He gave me one look and told me I'm not allowed to board the plane if I'm still as drunk by departure time.
I am not saying having unprotected sex in my boss' pool was a good idea, I am just saying it wasn't my worst idea of the summer.
Oh my god i hate key west. No one takes amex and strippers took all my money
I swear to God, if you have sex in my bed one more time you're gonna start paying rent
pls come over. need ride to hospital once taquitos are ready
I've seen too many dicks in the past week. I can't do it anymore.
I convinced her that there were two p's in Chipotle - the 2nd one was silent.
Randomize
