i freaking love being in a circle of guys. if i fart none of them suspect me.
I swear, you have an app for that. "Attention: your boyfriend is pooping. Place call?"
Today's lesson: while in the shower, one should choose between either drinking OR shaving. Not both.
How would u feel about transportimg a penis shaped ice luge to nashville?
Blacked in riding a tandem bicycle with a stranger. We stopped for hot dogs.
It's the only time I've ever felt manly shitting myself
I'm out of mixers so I am using sugar water. Times are tough.
I flashed some kids doing a church car wash. I feel like I really improved the quality of their lives.
dude she got out of bed and definitely took a shit then checked her stomach out in the mirror and whispered "well that probably took off five pounds"
It was great. They teamed up to hit on these two frat boys all night, until the frat boys started making out with each other. The looks on their faces...
Whip out the absinthe and the taquitos, this motherfucker just passed the bar.
I'm giving random strangers at the bar sips of my fishbowl, then telling them I have Ebola. It's a fun night.
I'm just wondering how Jon managed to get vomit ON THE CEILING?
The night they met I slept with both of them. Of course I'm best man.
Got her pregnant in a minivan. Circle of life.
Randomize
