Things overheard in WeHo: "Just drink a corona and eat some ass, you won't be hungry anymore"
Wedsnesdays are always enlightening. Tonights revealation: One should not smoke from something taller than their person.
Just found out that I was singing john legend songs as I threw up last night. Quality.
My birth control alarm gets more depressing every night.
When health care reform is passed, I'm throwing a kegger
You are the reason we need health care reform
She's trying to master eating with her feet. She said it was be she "always has to be prepared."
I never thought to pass out in a hotel lobby rather then paying for a hotel room until you taught me that's acceptable at the Hilton
The yard is growling at me WHAT DID U GIVE ME?
Dude in front of me just jumped out of line at Starbucks to go puke. Vegas in prime form.
Licking pop rocks off a stranger's washboard abs and kissing strangers young enough to be my kid. Yeah, it was THAT kind of party last night
We lost you in the mall, but to no surprise we found you waiting in line to sit on santas lap. You said you wanted to ask him for a pound of weed and a subway giftcard for xmas.
We fucked on shrooms. It's like his dick was a beam of light and when I came I turned into a prism and my orgasms were made of rainbows.
He came over in a blaze orange vest with a case of beer and a shotgun yelling about "Dove Season" then passed out in the lawn. There he lies
He was passed out, face in the toilet, so I just pissed on his head. Serves him right
If you really hate him do what I do: give him an amazing night of unforgettable sex then dump him. You’ll ruin sex for him because new girls won’t compare
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