I may or may not have puked in my RA's suggestion box.
every single kid we've ever known, every single person we've gotten blow jobs from, every single person we've hit home runs with... is at dennys right now
My vagina hasn't been this smooth since I was 8. I better get laid tonight.
the more i look through evidence of last night, the less i seem to remember.
No one wears that much makeup to work unless they are trying to fuck their boss, NO ONE
I look at sleeping with him as a way to get up in the world. He will lead me on to bigger and better penises.
i was congratulating myself on not falling down the stairs when i walked into the wall. it's like one step forward, two steps into the fucking wall
Let's go dancing. I wanna sprain an ankle. And a labia. My labia or yours. I'm not picky.
Oh my fucking god how fucking embarrassing never again will I mix drugs at a family barbecue
Aaaaand now he just flexed his muscles at me and said "I'm a fucking eagle!"
body shots are frowned upon at family weddings. i'll keep that in mind next time. maybe.
I thanked him for the booty call offer but told him I'd rather just do it myself
Had to walk of shame past Westminster Abbey this morning. Pretty sure a Japanese tourist took a photo of me.
I am NOT pregnant
My barren womb can FUCK WHOEVER I want
I’m a go ahead and fuck down ATL. So when I leave in January I’ll have no regrets.
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