Excuse me do you have gonnorhea?
i've never seen someone fall down the steps so gracefully... i think im in love
I'm thinking I had intended to send you pics cuz I woke up naked
I found them on a couch next to the sidewalk screaming at cars with a megaphone. Kevin chased the mailman with a jello shot.
"Don't get as drunk as I was on my birthday" has been upgraded from a goal for Friday night to a goal for my life in general.
thats it. im teaching my cat how to use a fire alarm
So yeah you need to stop having near death experiences at McDonalds.
I feel like I just tasted lung cancer.
the last guy with this job had a bookshelf fall on him. He's in the Er. Im high and they gave me his shift. How do you think i feel?
That number that I thought was that dude's number...was actually my district manager's number. Fuckkkk.
I just almost said to a customer "P as in Pussy"
It's cosmic balancing. My vagina is an instrument of karmic retribution.
The assignment was about the Industrial Revolution so I just screamed at them in a British accent all day. No, they didn't know I was hungover.
I would also like you to tell your human bio class that I successfully smoked out the flu. 103 degree when I woke up yesterday. 100degree after one bowl. 4 more bowls and 16 hours later all that's left is a cough
Last time he showed up for Christmas he went on and on about backpacking somewhere and getting ghonnorreah twice.
Randomize
