Do you need to be saved?
No I think I'm God
Laziness has reached now heights if you too unmotivated to buy pot
it feels like my vag is blowing bubbles
just because you dressed up as a brontosaurus doesn't mean you can poop in my yard and roar at my neighbors
I just five second ruled a donut I dropped at starbucks, everyones staring
I think I should become a real estate agent in th friend zone I know the place so well
I feel like vodka or no vodka, you'd still be trying to button your cat into your comforter
Atty had lunch with DA and confirmed I am not the target of the investigation. No word on anything else
He only talks to me during the summer and it's probably because I let him fuck me in my pool last year.
On the back of that comment, I've formed a theory that as a result of my brainwashing your drunk self actually believes that beards are your calling.
I brought some guy back to have cheese whiz with me. Then sent him home
Was he satisfied?
No, and very vocal about it.
I found my hair extensions. They were in my hamper.
I was THIS CLOSE. But drunk me wanted to play those washboard abs with a spoon, like an actual washboard. Apparently that hurts, so I just squished it out at home alone.
I just want to return to LA when the weed and dick is plentiful.
It's become almost a Pavlovian response. The sound of the vacuum being run by hubby causes an instantaneous involuntary orgasm.
Randomize
